Loving Hurts
Luke 1:26-38 (NRSV)
In the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent by God to a town in Galilee called Nazareth, to a virgin engaged to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. And he came to her and said, “Greetings, favored one! The Lord is with you.” But she was much perplexed by his words and pondered what sort of greeting this might be. The angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. And now, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you will name him Jesus. He will be great, and will be called the Son of the Most High, and the Lord God will give to him the throne of his ancestor David. He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end.” Mary said to the angel, “How can this be, since I am a virgin?” The angel said to her, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be holy; he will be called Son of God. And now, your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son; and this is the sixth month for her who was said to be barren. For nothing will be impossible with God.” Then Mary said, “Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word.” Then the angel departed from her.
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Today I want to talk about love, and yes, I know that we aren't in February. So why are we going to focus so much on love? Well, it's the fourth and final Sunday of Advent, where we meditate on the greatest love the world has ever known and a love that continues to dwell with us today. As we read the story of The Annunciation, we hear of the love that came down from heaven. An embodiment of all we could be if we trusted and followed our better angels. It's a love that's redeeming and accepting, but it's also a love that hurts. Love hurts. Or should I say love will hurt. Of course, it will hurt for the obvious reasons, yet there is another cause to the pain we will feel when we choose to love, life-giving love, as our highest priority.
I want us to take a quick dive, or at the very least dip our toes, into the world of biblical Greek. You might recall that the ancient Greeks possessed multiple words for love. In English, our use of love encapsulates numerous different meanings without any linguistic distinctions. Comparatively, the Greeks had words like philia (friendship), pragma (long standing love), ludos (playful love), and agape (love for everyone). These different ways to describe love are helpful because they provide nuance that we often miss in English. I'd like to make one observation that gets back to our main point this morning. Which is that there is something that connects all these forms of love, and that is hurt. Whether we like it or not, love will hurt, and the act of loving will hurt even more.
Why does love or the act of loving hurt though? It most likely is due to the fact that when we love, we are investing a piece of ourselves into someone or thing that we feel connected to. And when that bond is damaged or severed, a piece of ourselves feels like it was lost. Each time we choose to love we take a risk, knowing that there is a chance for us to get hurt. We might imagine that when Mary and Joseph entered into their relationship, there was hurt when Mary revealed that she was pregnant. Even in the midst of such joyous news fear and pain must have followed. I don't know if all of this is a good or bad thing. I do know that if we choose to embrace such good news and love, even with hurt, that it pays off in the long term if we believe God’s transformational love is real.
If we aren't willing to take that risk, then we end up feeling nothing but bitterness and contempt when we see such acts of love put on display. Perhaps this year you've found yourself questioning the worth and value of love during a pandemic and tense cultural environment. Or there's the chance you've been on the receiving end of hurt this year. I was reading an article recently that talked about relationships that 2020 has strained. We all had hope, at least I did, that when this all started we would learn to love the people and things in our lives more deeply, yet it seems that hasn't been the case for a large number of people.
Maybe we need to pause and listen more intently to what the angel said to Mary in today's reading. What must it have been like to have an angel come and bring such news of wonderment and awe? However, Mary was engaged to Joseph, and to an outsider, and even to Joseph, it seemed like something strange was going on. We don't know much about Mary and Joseph's relationship. Biblical scholars assume that it was an arranged marriage. Though even if it were an arranged marriage, would it be fair for us to assume that Mary and Joseph felt hurt as well as joy when they heard this news of what was to happen?
When confronted with this startling new reality that would impact her life and relationships, I give Mary a lot of credit for possessing more than I would have if I were in her situation. What I love is Mary's response, "Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word." In these words, we hear a commitment. In these words, we hear Mary willingly accept the stigmatism of being an unwed mother, a commitment to be a loving partner, and a commitment to be the vessel that would challenge generations to know what it truly means to love. Loving hurts. And I guess what I should have said at the start is that I mean love requires sacrifice. It's the kind of hurting that results in us letting go of something so that someone else might benefit as well.
What kind of love are willing to exude or practice this season? What kind of love are you willing to take on? Will it be a love like Mary's or perhaps you're a little more hesitant like Joseph. The love we share when we sacrifice when we are willing to hurt for love doesn't mean we end up feeling empty inside. When we love in a way that shows our care, God is behind us, to catch us when we fall, to bind up our hearts when they are broken, and soothe us when we are weary. So again, how will you love this Advent and Christmas season? Will you love in a way that hurts? Or will you love in a manner that's a little more self-centered? Judging from news articles and social media, I think we could use a little more sacrificial love, love that stretches and pushes us to grow. Love that hurts in a way that reminds us of the cost of divine love we received. Amen.