The Fifth Commandment

Exodus 20:12

Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

Deuteronomy 5:16

Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God commanded you, so that your days may be long and that it may go well with you in the land that the LORD your God is giving you. 

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The Fifth Commandment to “honor your father and your mother,” reminds me of the jokes you find on the internet about “that look” your parents give you when you’re sitting in church, and the pastor gives a sermon about listening to them. Today as we study the Fifth Commandment, we’ll begin to understand how this command bridges the gap between the first four commandments and the rest of the ones to come. While it may seem like there isn’t much to the Fifth Commandment because it does appear to be pretty clear, there is an underlying message, a trajectory that takes that Fifth Commandment beyond its primary focus. 

Before we get too deep into the Fifth Commandment, I want to offer a cautionary tale. And I want to throw out a quick content warning for a brief moment. This commandment to “Honor your father and your mother,” carries a lot of baggage. In his commentary on the Ten Commandments, Patrick Miller quotes a respected colleague who once said this: 

From my own experience and observation, no text has done more damage to abused children than the words, "Honor your father and your mother." ... I know that those words tormented me as a child, and I believe they have tormented others. ... From my ... work with the Hebrew of Exodus 20, two facts are clear to me: the first is that honor is not a synonym for obedience and the second is that the Decalogue [The Ten Commandments] is not addressed to children. (Miller, The Ten Commandments, 168)

This personal testimony demonstrates why it is necessary for us as the people of God to understand what is going on in holy scripture. We can't take a face value reading and assume that we have all the facts. It doesn't mean that we need a higher educational degree to understand the Bible, but it does mean we need to use our critical thinking skills. The Fifth Commandment, which is just one example, has been used to justify the mistreatment of others, especially children. So as we hear the words of this commandment, let us not forget, and move forward with an eagerness to make sure such violations of trust never happen again. 

It should be apparent that the Fifth Commandment never says that we need to listen or obey our parents or guardians. Instead, the Fifth Commandment states that we are to honor our mothers and our fathers. But what does it mean to "honor" someone? And if this commandment is not intended for a younger audience, who is it meant for then? 

When we talk about who this command is for, we might look towards the traditions of the past. In the ancient world, families were the foundation for any community, just as they are today. And it is in the family unit where children would learn the meaning of honor, the meaning of life, and the importance of what it takes to honor the life God has given all living things. Love of such things does not begin outside the home, but inside of it. And while the young may have their own set of rules, the Fifth Commandment about our fathers and mothers is addressed to the adult children, who are modeling this command for the next generation. The Fifth Commandment is a call to live into these words of God. These words do not possess a start or endpoint, but instead, grow with us as we wrestle with these responsibilities. 

And then what about honor? In Hebrew, the words are clear. Kabbed, the Hebrew word for honor, carries the same weight as it does in English. Honor, in the biblical sense, requires a willingness to sacrifice for something beyond ourselves. This honor or sacrifice is something that even goes beyond traditional familial ties as we find in the story of Ruth and Naomi. In this narrative, the full weight of kabbed is on display. There are no father-son relationships because they're dead, and Ruth is not even a blood relative of Naomi, she's a daughter-in-law. Ruth, who is young, not related by blood, and does not possess great material wealth, refuses to leave an aged Naomi and exemplifies the justice component of the Fifth Commandment. 

Our lives and relationships are like a two-way street. As Paul reminds us in his letters to the early church, "Children, obey your parents," and "Fathers, do not provoke your children." (Eph. 6:4; Col. 3:21) There are safeguards in the commandment that ensure we look after one another. As we honor our parents and they honor us, we do our best not to bring about dishonor by conducting ourselves in a manner that shames the image of God. Together we serve and love and, with humility, strive to better incorporate the life-giving ways of God into our everyday lives. And this work together is needed now more than ever. If we are to cultivate a community built on love, we must start doing the work that we needed to do ages ago!

As we honor our parents or those who we liken to parents, we fulfill the intent of this commandment, which seeks to provide justice and care to those who are vulnerable. There is a reciprocity to this commandment, where adult children honor their parents and parents respect their children. It's why these words from God do not ask for full obedience. In certain situations, it would not be right to honor those who break the trust and love that God requires of every one of us. The command to honor our mothers and our fathers is meant to set the stage for the expansive vision of what it means to live in God's kin(g)dom. Tending to our families or loved ones is just practice for what is to come if we are to follow the will of God. 

In the New Testament, Jesus expands the meaning of the Fifth Commandment. While we've seen hints of it in stories from the Old Testament, such as the story of Ruth, Jesus tells us that our family includes those who are not related to us by blood. (Matt. 10:37-38) So now that our family has grown to include others, can we say that we have faithfully followed the Fifth Commandment? Sadly, I don't think that we, as a community, can say that we have embraced the words we hear this morning. I don't want to name all the instances, but think about how we here in Mahopac or Putnam County have failed to honor one another, those who have become our adopted parents in the Kin(g)dom of God. 

There is a lot of work ahead of us as we strive to undo the chains of injustice we have wrapped around each other. We can try to justify the ways that we have dishonored one another, but we cannot escape the undeniable truth that in those moments, we have also dishonored our Creator. The family of God weaves together our own family with human families across the world. It is our responsibility now to show honor to mothers and fathers who are not our own. It is our responsibility to stand up and correct them when they are wrong, as they have instructed us. Now is the time, now is the time to pick up the mantle and honor and reverence. Now is the time for us to honor one another in an age where honor, respect, and civility appear to have no place at the table. It is not the time to point fingers or play the blame game, but instead support and hold one another in communal love as an adopted family in God’s Kingdom. 

Let us go and embrace the Fifth Commandment in our ways of living with one another. For in every moment we feed the poor, stand up for the oppressed and marginalized, and advocate for the well-being of others, we faithfully live out the words, "Honor your father and your mother." Amen.